An ode...

Far more than being down,
far more than mere sadness.
A weight that causes much more than a frown.

We smile, laugh, hide it so well.
It cuts to the core.
No one can see our hell.

It sneaks up when we least expect it, and won't go away.
draining our energy, stealing our appetite, robbing our joy.
Nothing left, not even the energy to pray.

Self-destruction, drugs, alcohol.
Anything is better than a pain so fierce.
Nothing to ease it, except the vices that make us fall.

We don't understand why.
Life seems harder, joy seems foreign.
Constantly thinking about how to die.

Loving words will make us want to live,
craving kindness to fill the void.
It doesn't, we must be defective.

We over compensate for our sadness,
with extra outward happiness.
No one can know, that would cause madness.

Did it work? Were we happy enough?
Did they notice?
Why was that so tough?

We wonder how He can let us live like this,
Surely He hates us
So much of life we miss.

Is it us that has failed Him?
He sent us to find joy.
But everything seems grim.

Will the end set us free?
Will the weight be gone? Emptiness filled?
Will we be what He wants us to be?

"It'll get better", "Time will heal", they say. 
Days turn to weeks, weeks to months, months to years. 
This beast doesn't change, it's here to stay.